Devastating First Blow

I've always been on my own, for as long as I can remember. If I explained my back story, I'd get a lot of weird looks and pity which is why I don't like to get into it. People are, for the most part, surprised how well I turned out given my past but it's all self made. What doesn't kill you gives you a set of unhealthy coping mechanisms and a dark sence of humor. With that being said, I've been looking for a replacement for the void my parents left; someone to love me as much as I love them. But nobody in their early to late 20's is looking for that much pressure and wouldn't willingly devote their full heart and soul into me like I do every person I meet. This, of course, comes back on me. Why doesn't he love me, when will he be ready, if I was prettier or skinnier he'd probably like me more, why can't I make him happy, what did I do wrong..?

He broke up with me. I don't blame him if I wasn't worth the investment. I'm hard to love, maybe becuase I wanted it so bad. I don't think I scared him away, I think that he knew what I wanted and he didn't think I was the one, he couldn't make me the one. But I would've done anything for him. Like moving across the country to Colorado from Florida. Now i'm stuck in this town with nobody but myself and an empty apartment to claim for myself. The family I claimed for myself and kicked me aside but wants to 'remain friends'. I don't know if I can do that. A constant reminder of the man that doesn't want me. What do I do now..?

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Comments (3)

  1. This comment has been deleted
  2. shadowstarz

    You get on with your life and spend time investing in your own happiness; travel, study etc. That’s all you have to do.
    The right one usually appears when you’re not looking, and when that happens, you’d wanna be financially secure to contribute – equally.
    Forcing something that isn’t mutual could lead to a disastrous outcome. Best wishes ! ☘🌟🌷😎

    March 29, 2017
    1. ourhokage

      Thank you for the kind words and advice.

      March 29, 2017
      1. shadowstarz

        You’ll be fine… just focus on healing, and ‘doing you’ ! 🎈

        March 29, 2017